An Unexpected Cross Country Road Trip

I just looked out the window about an hour ago and said to myself how pretty the day was.  Blue skies and white clouds.  Hmph!  The Arizona monsoon season sure knows how to change a forecast quickly!

It has been a busy, trying  few weeks.  Just after our Grand Canyon vacation, I received a call saying that my dad had had a minor stroke.  He was in the hospital.  I knew immediately it was time for me to go home.

We took two weeks off to go to see my dad.  It was bittersweet.

Being home with him and the family and my friends was fab-tabulous.  Leaving him with the news that he may not have long to live, well, not so fab-tabulous.

It seems that the doctors believe that there is nothing else they can do.  He switched to a cancer center, something I wish he had done before now.  

I met Dr. Negrea of Low Country Cancer Care and Associates when I went to my dad's follow up appointment after his MRI.  

Let me start by saying how UN-impressed I was with the service and the fact that the wait time after his scheduled appointment was two and a half hours behind.  A lady in the waiting room, who had checked in after us and was obviously a seasoned patient, leaned over and told my husband, "Be prepared to wait 2 or 3 hours," she laughed.  "We've learned to bring a lunch."

The time ticked on and I continued to get more and more frustrated.  When we were finally seen by Dr. Negrea, I felt totally dismissed as he read the results of the MRI gave a brief explanation and stood to leave the room.  I wanted answers to the questions I'd had and I began to fire questions at him before he could leave.  He tried to answer them quickly, but never sat back down or tried to make sure all of my questions were answered.  He rushed us through, which, to me, was total disrespect considering the fact we'd waited two and a half hours behind the appointment to see him.  A little more courtesy would have been great. He quickly moved on to his next patient, but I had more questions and asked the nurse to call him back into the room to help me wrap my head around what the MRI meant.

The MRI revealed that the entire left side of his brain showed radiation narcosis.  What this means is that the radiation has burned and damaged the entire left hemisphere of his brain.  There was also 2 maybe 3 spots revealed, which were assumed to be tumors.  He said that the VA clinics were possible giving too much radiation.  Said that they're procedures were not following the protocol that would have normally been followed by cancer centers.  I asked if he thought they were experimenting on my dad and he said yes, but could only speculate until her received the records from the VA hospital.  

The illustration looked something like this:

Once they received the records from VA the news wasn't anything good.  They won't be continuing chemo is what my dad told me.  I gathered from that bit of info that there is nothing else that can be done.  

What do you say when that kind of information is given to someone?

How do you respond, when you know this person still has so much life in them?  I'm too young to lose a parent, aren't I?  He's only 51.  He's too young to receive this kind of diagnosis.  When we first came into this almost 5 years ago, we were told he would live 5 years at best.  It went from years to months. Where did those years go?   

The Grand Canyon!

Preparing for another cross-country trip.

Honestly, I didn't expect to be taking another trip so soon, but you know the old saying, "You wanna make God laugh, MAKE PLANS!"


So, after going to the Grand Canyon just last week, it's time to take a 2000 mile drive from Arizona to Georgia!  And this time, we don't have 6 days to do it! 

We're doing it in three instead.  2 hotel nights and 3 days of driving.  While I'm not looking forward to it, it's another adventure to be added to our family's list.

Speaking of trips, I MUST share our Grand Canyon pictures!  For those who are friends with me on Facebook, you may have already seen these.  But for those who are not, know that the pictures do the Grand Canyon no justice!  I use to say, "Why would I want to see a big hole in the ground?? How exciting could that possibly be?"  

 Well it was certainly breath taking!  One because you just can't imagine something like that.  And two because it took my breath away every time I got close to the edge to take a picture because I'm really not fond of heights!

We started our vacation spending a night in the Grand Canyon Railway Hotel in Williams, AZ.

The next morning we saw a gun fight!

We rode a train to the Grand Canyon.  It was the first time the kids had been on a train!

When we arrived at the Grand Canyon, a bus tour was waiting for us to take us around the GC.

This is a picture of the BOTTOM of the GC.  This was taken with my long 300mm lens.  That's a road on the bottom and those black dots are people!

These mules ride people to the bottom.  Not us!  But People!

The Grand Canyon Sunset is a must see.

Summer Vacation Post #1: Hot and Ugly

I had all intentions of starting my 100 days of summer blogging on the 1st of June.  Here it is the 5th and I'm just now sitting down to get one in.


The kids are home.  ...yay...


Cam and Miss Missy are already at each others' throats.  For me, this means waking Miss Missy up in the mornings to go to the gym with me in the mornings.  They can't stay together for fear they may kill each other!  


This morning, some of the girls and I took a walk up to Reservoir Hill.  It's a nice hike up a hill to a lookout of the city.  We jogged back down.  Here, I can do that.  It's one of the perks of living in Sunny Arizona.  I never would have understood what "dry heat" meant until I moved here.  You really don't sweat, you just cook.  In GA, the humidity will instantly chase you back into the house.  Here, there's no humidity which means you're outside cooking in the sun without really realizing how hot it is! 

Guess that would explain why AZ has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world!


Cancer.  


I don't love that word.  It quite honestly has to be one of the most horrible words in the English dictionary. 


On my run this morning.  I got a call.  I ignored it.  I got another.  It was my mother.  I ignored it.  I got another and again I ignored it but by this time, I knew there was a reason for the calls.  I knew there was something wrong, but didn't want to hear it.  I don't like bad news. I just wanted to make it home and finish my run first.

One more call and it was my sister.  I knew I needed to answer. 

More bad new.  The MRI results.  Not good news at all.


So, here I am, planning my trip back to GA.  I think we're all going to go.  We had the hospital in GA put in a Red Cross call to Chris's Command.  It's time for me to go home.


Talk about a Monkey Wrench.


6 months.  How can you give a human being a six month expiration date?  No Man knows the day nor the hour.  


Still... it's time for me to go home.  With the memory loss, the constant visits in the hospital, I need to be there, even if it's just for a little while.


Cancer is an ugly word.  You know how your mama use to get your butt for saying words like stupid, shut up, or funky (only one person I know can relate to that one)?  Cancer is that kind of ugly word.  How I wish it didn't have to be spoken in my home.

Annihilation

Okay, I have never liked going to "aerobics" classes.  So when I first heard about Annihilation, my first thought was

OH, HELL NAW!

I couldn't see myself in a class that required me to keep my footing as well as kill me!

The Annihilation instructor happens to be a part of my Facebook Group, Huachuca Wives and when the subject came up about the class again, we decided we should give it a try.  Now, I wish I'd done it sooner.

My roota was killing me the first weekend after my workout!  I was in more pain than a little trying to sit on the toilet. 

Now, after a few week, I've gotten use to it.

What is Annihilation, you ask?

Well it's 30 second intervals of craziness!  High speed workouts geared to kick butt! 

Alejandra is an AWESOME instructor and I really hate that this was her last class of teaching, but I'm sure that the girl taking over, Jill will kick our butts just as hard.

I NEVER thought I would enjoy a workout class.  I walked in there today, late as usual, and they were just starting and the class was PACKED! My friends and I have been spreading the word about this class and it's really starting to fill up!  I'm hella excited to keep going and I FINALLY feel like I'm getting a real workout!  SWEAT AND ALL! 

Huachuca has taught me something

A year ago, I would have never thought I'd be able to stomach the idea of staying in Fort Huachuca after retirement.  I year ago, when you asked, "So where are you going to go when Chris retires?"  I would have surely answered with, "GEORGIA, of course!"  And I would have given you the crazy DUH-look!, I mean because, who would want to stay in the deserts??

There are only five months left until retirement.  

I have to pause to take that in because I can't believe retirements is really right around the corner.  But it is.  And it's so strange to me that it's so close.

I mean, I'm just getting started as a "real" Army Wife.  

Before now, we've never lived on post and I've never been in the mix of Military Spouses, knowing how they are, what they do, what they think.  This has been a real eye-opening experience for me.  I find myself drawn to helping spouses become better spouses.  I find myself drawn to wanting to make sure people have the information they need for every situation.  I'm learning what all the Military has available for spouses and I want to teach what I'm learning to others.

I have always been involved.  You all know how much time I've spent in the kids classes over the years, but now, I want to be involved with helping spouses get a positive outlook on the Military life.  I know I've heard so many times about how the Military doesn't care about the families.  Not long ago, you would have found me co-signing on that statement.  

My experience started with being a co-leader for the FRG (Family Readiness Group) in Georgia.  Although the group was small and many women at our level didn't feel they needed the FRG for support during the deployment, I started then realizing the togetherness of Military Spouses.

Now, don't get me wrong, living on post is not all hunky-dory! These are some of the most complaining-est chicks I've ever seen.  Calling the MP (military police) because dogs are barking outside, because kids are playing too loud in the backyards or because your neighbors kids are sticking their hands through your fence touching your dog...  REALLY!  

But some of these wives are some amazing chicks with some really big hearts.  I've met some great girls.  Some really good friends.  And my experience has change, twisted and molded my view of the Military Spouse.  

These are some STRONG women.  I love that I have found like-minded friends who see a need to share with, help and inform other spouses of what is right there and available to them.  I love that I have people who see what I see and want to help me achieve my goal.

As a spouse, on my way out, you'd think I'd have this military stuff down packed, but it's so amazing what I learn and what I have learned in the past year.  I know that I could continue to offer my help and volunteer my time once we retire, and most likely that is what I will continue to do.  

Especially since it's looking more and more like we may be in Arizona a little longer than I expected!

Kay

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Happy Easter and Welcome Spring!

I happen to REEEEALLY like the spring.  And Easter symbolizes Spring right along with the greening trees, the warmer weather and wearing shorts!  Spring here in Ft. Huachuca is so nice!  I have to say, I will certainly miss the weather here in Arizona if nothing else!  There's little to no humidity, which means even in 100 degree temperatures, you don't sweat like you do at home.  Sure, you have to give up trees... shade... grass... long summer days...

but you don't have to fight the tons of mosquitoes, the sweat-drenched clothes just from checking the mail and the short days enjoying the sunshine.

If the weather could stay like it is in the spring the entire year 'round, I would LOVE IT.

Easter was pretty perfect as far as weather goes.  The sun was shining, but the breeze made it perfect.  When we go home from church, Cam said, "Even though we are away from family, this has turned out to be a pretty good Easter."  Even though we're on the other side of the U.S., we can still build our traditions and enjoy our holidays with our own little family unit.

Amazing what a little lunch get together can do!

Have you ever been really proud of yourself?  I mean, have you ever done something and not realized the impact of what you've done until someone pointed it out to you?


Today was one of my Huachuca Wives potluck lunches.  Not a big turn out, about 9 ladies, but it was really nice.  And it was the biggest one so far. 

What I loved most is the range of ladies that attend my lunches.  There were 3 AIT Spouses, 1, I believe was a reservist's wife, a Specialist's spouse, an E-6 spouse,  2 E7 spouses in addition to myself, and a Commander's Wife. 

I say this not to call out people's rank, but to get you readers to understand that although we are all at different stages in our military lives, we came together over lunch and be "just the girls".


This felt like an example of "new army".  For those of you that have been in a while like myself, you may know the stigma that senior enlisted and lower enlisted don't "mix".  Well, I'm not one to follow that "rule" as I feel that who I hang with is based on personality, not status.  I am not my husband's rank.  I don't have any bars on my should telling me my worth.  We all put our pants on one legs at a time, ya know?

After the lunch, I talked to the Commander's wife who attended.  She told me how happy she was to be able to make it.  I love her because she is a huge advocate for spouses, for finding ways to reach the spouses and educating them on what resources are available to them.  THAT is something we have in common! She told me that she didn't think I understood the magnitude of what I was doing by having these lunches like this. 

I don't think I really did.  I've looked at it as a chance to get some girls together, get them out of the house, meet new people and talk about what other things we can do together.  I wanted to give information out about the programs available, what kind of things there are to do around the area and give the newer spouses a sense of belonging and let them know I'm here to help if needed.  I know that Fort Huachuca is in the middle of the desert and I was just hoping that I could get spouses to see that it's really not so bad here IF you make the most of it.

She looked at it as a start of something big, a way to get the younger spouses more involved.  A way to let them know that senior enlisted spouses are "approachable" and to get rid of the old thoughts of us being separate.


I see that now.  I see that our group has a lot of potential.  I love what we have here already though, as far as being a comfortable, easy going day out for spouses. 


We also talked about how to get these spouses to get involved in the Ft Huachuca Community Spouses Club.  Now, let me tell you, these clubs on most bases have the reputation for being a group of senior enlisted foo-foo types.  The groups wasn't approachable as it was only for spouses married to the big-wigs on base at one time.  Well, I'll tell you, this is something I would never be a part of!  Well, FHCSC would like to change that and bring in the younger enlisted and newer spouses.  They want to get fresh ideas.  They don't want the group to only be for the old people!  LOL!


So, we talked about how to get the new generation spouses to participate.  I told her that the group is going to have to come to their level.  Technology.  Communicating through FB, Twitter, text messages... this is how everyone communicates and in order to reach out, they have to start there.  Also, I wanted her to be mindful that Soldiers often don't have a lot left over after bills are paid and going to a place to spend $12 on a Spouse's Club lunch is a lot for some people.  I love my potlucks because these girls don't mind bringing a dish if they like, not spending more than they can.

It was a very great conversation.  When we got off the phone I felt as if I can make a little bit of a difference and that even with what I feel is a little lunch, our little group of Huachuca Wives can have had an impact.

My First 5K... Walk. Now I'm ready for a RUN!

I walked my first 5K today!  I did it with some good friends.  The same girls I hit the gym with on a regular basis.  Got up withe the son and made my way out there in the cold. Took the boys.  Let the princess sleep in and stay home with daddy.

The boys wasted no time.  They were on the run!  We hadn't even hit the 2-mile mark and they had called us from the finish line!  LOL!  CJ was the first kid to cross the finish line at 25minutes and some second (Can't remember the exact number) and surprisingly enough, Cam kept up with him, crossing 15 seconds after.  My boys are AWESOME! 

As for Mommy Fabulous, on the other hand?  Well, we came in last.  LOL!  We walked the entire way.  I certainly would have ran, but my girls didn't want to run and you never leave a fellow soldier, right?  So, we crossed the finish line at about 45:25.  But WE DID IT!


Yeah, big deal huh?


Well not really.  I walk/run one almost everyday on the treadmill these days.  I do, however, know what people mean when they say there's a difference between doing it on a treadmill and doing it outside.  I came home and took a two hour nap!

The Cancer is winning. I'm feeling lost.

My biggest struggle today is trying to trust in God to heal my dad's cancer when the doctors have taken him off chemo because it's no longer working and there is now not one, but TWO visible spots on the MRI.  The doctor said that his body is deteriorating.  He's having trouble with his sight, losing weight....

I know that I have to continue to trust in God.  

Yet, the hard part is trusting that it is His will to heal him.

I know that sounds horrible, that it makes me sound like a non-believer, but I'm finding it hard to have the faith that everything will be okay, when I see everything NOT being okay.

He has a radiation treatment tomorrow.  This was the first time he has ever asked me to come home.  I should have flown back to Georgia to be with him.  I should be there, shouldn't I.  I HATE that we had to move across the country.  He's afraid that once he comes out of this, he wont be the same.  His memory is sure to be worse as he is having another blast of radiation in the same spot as before.  He could come out not remembering some things.  Not remember me.  Not remembering my children.

These are just options.  Things that may happen.  I can't pretend that they are not a likely side effect to the treatment.  Even with my faith in God, I know that there are possibilities that unfavorable things could happen.

I have been able to keep it together up to this point.  But I don't know if I can continue to keep together, continue to stay strong.  Continue to be that rock for the family that everyone seems to call and turn to throughout his sickness.

I'm afraid of what's next.  I'm afraid to admit that I'm afraid.