Happy Birthday to My 8 year old!!!

Let me tell you about my Cam.

Today is his birthday.  His 8th birthday.  

Now, I'm not sure how we got to this point so quickly, because it seems like just yesterday he was a toddler, but  it has been a great ride to get to here.

Cam is my most independent child.  He's the one with an opinion for everything and the one that is ALWAYS going to speak his mind.  He is also the most loving child in the world.  He's the one that never forgets to hug and kiss me goodnight.  He's the one that makes sure that I'm okay in every situation.  He's the one that tells me to have a great day before getting on the bus and going off to school.  Cam is the child with a heart of gold.  

He is so smart.  You can have a conversation with him on a grown up level and he will understand every bit of it.  You know when the old folks say someone has an "old soul"?  Well, that my Cam.  He is so perceptive and so knowledgeable on things that you would never think he would understand.  

Cam, I love you.  I love the fact that you make me smile, even when I want to be mad.  I love that you have grown into a young man right before my eyes, yet you are still my baby.  May all of your dreams come true on your special day!  

When I grow up!

As a mother of 3 in her 30's who has yet to find a direction in life, I'm still fighting with the frustrations of finding that little something that I can be good at.  A career that I can be proud of.  Over the years I have come up with several career paths that I thought would be good for me.

1.  A real estate agent - I really have always wanted to do this. I can literally see myself showing houses to people, walking through beautiful homes, dressed in professional pants suits and heels, with a huge smile plastered on my face.  That has been my dream job for about 10 years.  When I was ready, or thought I was, the market went to crap and all I kept hearing is, "Now is not a good time to start trying to sell houses."

2.  A medical assistant or medical administrative secretary - I started a degree program for this.  Back when Cam was a baby almost 8 years ago, I made it halfway through the second semester and had to quit.  Real bummer.  Hubs got orders to go to Korea.  There was no way I was going to stay in our apartment, alone, for a year, in a place where I was unhappy, in a neighborhood where I wasn't comfortable walking around safely!  So I moved to the Ville, back where my parents lived.  Back home.  And the school told me that my class credits were not transferable.  So I never went back.

3. Virtual Assistant - I always wanted to work from home.  So being a virtual assistant would have been great if I could work for a company from home on the computer doing the things that I already know how to do.

4.  AmeriPlan representative/ Prepaid Legal representative - Both of these home based businesses we flops.  I tried to be a good representative.  But I suck at selling and convincing people to buy something that they really don't want and I'm really not passionate about.  I sucked at trying to recruit people into the business under me when I wasn't selling ANYTHING myself.  Not good at that at all.

The one that has always stuck with me is real estate.  I have never not wanted to be an agent.  Even when I was aspiring to be something else, I still would say, "but I'm going to be a real estate agent on the side!"

Last night, I had a thought.  With the business being in such a bad way, I was thinking that I could do something related to real estate until things got better and I found myself financially ready to become an agent. What do you think about a real estate photographer?  I have a love for photography, as a hobby.  I have this nice pretty camera that I have always dreamed of using to put a few dollars in my pocket.  So why not put the two together and VIOLA!

A real estate photographer, being someone who takes pictures of the houses and buildings for the agents to use. Of course, since this idea just came to mind at 10 o'clock last night, I'm still working out the kinks and trying to figure out if it is even a workable business for me, but the fact that it would be me in business for myself is quiet appealing.  I need something that is mobile.  I will be moving to Arizona in a few months and as a Military Spouse it is great to have a job that can always move with you.

That's why I chose to try out selling Avon.  When I leave, I will have a business that can go with me, thanks to my wonderful website full of fabulous Avon products! **hint hint**  Shop the brochure!  If you haven't taken a look at Avon in a while you might be surprised (shamelessly advertising myself, I know)

Okay, so one day I will find what it is I'm looking for.  I'm hoping it's soon rather than later.  Not really wanting to be the mother of college kids still wondering what I wanna be when I grow up.  Although, with my personality traits and indecisiveness, that is totally possible!

I'm so HOOD!

Since my dad has been here on and off, he has on serveral occasions made reference tot the way that I raise my kids that has gotten under my skin!  Okay, first of all, he is always talking about how much I spoil them.  He thinks that I DO too much for them.  Anybody who knows me knows that my kids are very independent and they do most things on their own.  They wake up in the morning to their own alarm clock while I'm still sound asleep in my bed.  They pick out their own clothes from the clothes that I have already ironed, or they iron their own when I'm behind and have loads of unironed laundry in my room.  They decide what to eat for breakfast.  My job in the morning is to call out from my bed asking if they have done the essentials.

Have you made your bed?

Have you brushed your teeth?

Have you put lotion on your ashy legs?

Things like that.  They have several responsibilities around the house.  They are responsible for taking out the trash, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, cleaning their bathroom, cstraightening the family room and of course cleaning their own room.

They are 10 and 7.  What more should I have them doing?

Okay, not only are they spoiled because they don't "do" enough, they are spoiled because I give them birthday parties.  Apparently I spend too much money on their birthdays.  Apparently, the parties are more for my benefit than for theirs.

Hmm, are you trying to say that I spend the money on their parties to try to look good??

What the heck is wrong with giving my kids a party?  Really?  Cam's up and coming 8 year old party is going to be in my backyard with cake and ice cream and pizza.  It's gonna be a water party.  And apparently this is too much?  They're getting too OLD for birthday parties?  Are you kidding me???  So because of this, my kids are spoiled?

Hmmm.

Okay and this is the kicker.  The thing that he said that really got under my skin.  Okay, for those of you that don't know me, let me give you a little background.  I'm not at all a city girl.  Not at all a girl from the block.  Growing up, I was raised in a military setting around a melting pot of military kids.  Good neighborhoods. Little crime.  I choose to live the same way.  I'm very picky in how my kids are raised and very picky with the environments they are exposed to, the things that they see and the things that they learn about.  So we live in a small city outside a large city where the schools have good ratings and the neighbors look out for each other.

So, my dad goes with me one day to CJ's basketball game and his comment was, "Where are all the black kids?"

Me:  There's one more on the team.

Him, giving me a crazy look.  He needs to be playing with black kids.

Me, confused: Why?

Him:  He's not going to get any better if he is playing around kids that are not as good as he his.  He needs to be around kids that are better than him... that will beat up on my.  It will make him tough."

Me: um.  He does just fine here.

Him:  You need to take him to the hood so those boys can teach him how to play.

Me:  I don't want to introduce my kids to "the hood".


So a few weeks later, he says, "Hey Kay, there's a big Easter Egg Hunt that they are talking about on the radio.  There are suppose to be over 10 thousand eggs."

Me: Umm.  That's down in May Park.  Really not my cup of tea.

Him:  Why not?

Me:  Well that's down town.  The hood.  Not trying to be out there.

Him, disgusted:  You need to stop.  Take those kids around those folks.  Introduce them to the hood.  They're gonna learn about it anyway!

Me:  WHY?  My kids have no business "learning" about that.  There is no reason that they need to be going down to the ghetto just because there are other black kids there.  They have plenty of black friends here.  Not to mention white, brown and BLUE!  There is nothing down there that their father and I want them to see.  My goal is to raise them in the way that I want them to go.  The Hood is not it."

Okay, Hubs and I know what's best for our children. I think that's what bothers me most.  THESE ARE MINE!  Besides that, Hubs is from the "hood" so to say.  He grew up poor, lives in an area where everyone is carrying a gun, and if they are not on drugs they are a dope boy or an aspiring one. They kids have seen how they're grandparents, uncle and cousins live and when we ask them if that is the way they want to live, they quickly respond, NO!

This is one of the ways we let them know how important it is that they stay in school. I don't feel that we need to glorify a place like the hood when it is not the direction in which we want them brought up.  There is nothing there to glorify!

But for some reason, my dad seems to think I'm wrong for that.

I wasn't raised in the hood.  My mother had tight reigns on my siblings and I and there was no way she was going to allow us to be around the hood life.  Even when we were visiting our family in Michigan, we were only allowed to do so much.  There is too much trouble when you're out in the "hood".

So I was frustrated with the fact that apparently I'm trying to be uppidty in the way that I raise my kids because I don't want them involved in such a life.  I want to see them college bound, educated, successful.  I want them to stay focused and not be attracted to the fast money of the hood life.  So If I'm wrong for not taking them there, then so be it.  They are MINE and time will tell!

New Every Two time!

I'm up for  a new phone upgrade with Verizon!  Yay!

Okay, my old phone is really not an old phone, but it's always exciting when the "New Every Two" deal time comes around and I can upgrade to something more snazzy without paying the big ticket price for it.

I was reminded of this when I went to a birthday party with some of my FRG chick friends and one of them had just upgraded her phone to the Palm Pre.  Now I haven't yet had a Smart Phone, but after hearing her talk about the features on this cool phone, I think it might just be time for an upgrade plan as well.  I mean, of course if I had internet at my finger tips I probably wouldn't get anything done, but that's the price I'm willing to pay for having a cool phone!

And you know what is really cool about the Palm Pre?  It has WiFi!!!!!  That means that all I have to do is sit my computer next to it and it connects the wireless internet to my laptop!

(Wow, I love saying that I have a laptop!  I love my mama for giving me one!)

So, when I'm out somewhere and I need to use my computer, I don't have to stop at a place with WiFi!  I just have to lay the phone next to my computer!  I'm so getting one.  I can pretend that I'm important while I'm having lunch somewhere.  I mean, I'll really just be blogging or checking my Facebook, but the people around me will think I really have a job!  LOL!

Horny dog is sure to lead to politics!

I was outside today looking for my runaway dog who had somehow escaped the back yard right before her bath (go figure) and I see my neighbor's dog stuck to another.  Ew!  Now, I think, if I'm not mistaken, she'd just gotten this dog fixed earlier this week and here he was, getting him a little, days after the surgery.

So as I approach, the female dog takes off and Ginger, my dog, shoots after her.  I decided to let the neighbor know that Paco could very well become a papa... again... as he'd just been spotted stuck with another little neighborhood dog a few weeks ago.

Anywho, I told my neighbor and teased her about Paco and his womanizing and how irresistible he must be when girl dogs come to the garage where he's chained up to give him a little.  The conversation winds down about the horny little puppy and moves on to how things are just so unpredictable with the weather.  I told her how I was totally surprised by the news a few weeks back of an Earthquake right here in GA!  A small one. 2.1, but an earthquake nonetheless!  Of course that conversation goes to the End Of Days conversation where there are just so many things happening these days that it just seems like the end is near.  All of the weather changes, hurricanes, typhoons and VOLCANO ERUPTIONS, are getting nutso!  I really think that it will only get worse....

ANYWAY, let's not get me started!

So, in that convo comes the talk of homosexuality.  How?  Well, talking of all the bad things in the world now is sure to bring up how homosexuality has become so blatant.  I think she uses that as a perfect opportunity to talk about Obama and how he has just given rights to gays.

OKAY.... I wasn't gonna voice my opinion on this because I'm still pretty unsure how I feel about the whole gay thing and their rights.  I always say "To each his own" meaning I don't really care one way or the other whether they get married.  Okay, that's kinda a lie. I really don't think that marriage should be between two people of the same sex because that's just gross. If they choose to BE gay, then I say "To Each His Own".

Hubs is in the Army, so the whole Don't Ask Don't Tell thing directly effects us.  He and I had the conversation about how he felt about this being lifted.  If you ask me, I just don't think that the military is one of those places where that. seems. right!  When you think military you think of guns and wars.  Okay, this is where I might lose a few friends for my shallowness, but when I think about gays being in the military I can't help thinking that if I were a soldier counting on a gay soldier to have my back and be my battle buddy in a hostile situation, I'd feel a little unsafe trusting a "gay man" to go gung ho on a b&%**!   Okay, I know I'm stereotyping and all gay men are not soft cross dressers, but SERIOUSLY I just can't see them as anything else when it comes to fighting.  Not right, I know.  I mean, having gays in the military is just leading to more problems.  I know for a fact that they are already there and it causes problems already, but now that it is OPEN and ALLOWED, it is sure to just put these people more in harms way of other men that are sure to make their lives HELL!

I also hear that gays now have rights to be considered family to one another when it comes to hospitals.  Well good.  The way I see it, IF you choose to be WITH this person, you should be able to be there for them when they are in a bad way.  Still think it's gross, but hey!

Okay, and the one thing that the neighbor lady said that I simply have to set straight is that OBAMA DID NOT CANCEL NATIONAL PRAYER DAY.  See, apparently there is a rumor spreading like wildfire that Obama canceled Nation Prayer Day for the nation which is celebrated on May 6th.  This is so NOT TRUE!  So my neighbor says that because of this he won't get elected again two years.  This rumor, of course, would have people calling him an atheist.  I mean he is already called a baby killer for giving women the right to decide if they want to have a child.  But I wanted to clarify for those of you that are always looking for Obama to do something wrong that THIS IS A RUMOR.  I immediately looked it up.  I'm not one to spread something without confirmation.  And is was a Wisconsin U.S. District Judge that ruled that the date is unconstitutional.

So, although I had no idea that we even had a National Prayer Day, I'm glad to let everyone one that on May 6th, the nation CAN PRAY!

Sleep Deprived

Today is a day that I need to dedicate to cleaning. I have a many loads of laundry to wash and a many that need to be folded or ironed. Only, I was up until 3:30 this morning talking to Hubs on the phone.

See, he's working the night shift over there and he is up the same times of the day that I am, the problem is, when he gets off at 12-1 oclock in the morning, I'm sleeping and that's when he wants to call and have long (usually serious) conversations because "he can't talk at work because people are nosy."

Okay, I get that, but because I oblige to stay up on the phone, I'm finding myself twice as exhausted as I use to be. I already stay up late and often never get to bed before 12 anyway, so I really don't get enough sleep when I have to get up with the kids around 6:45am. Now, I've been throwing in the exercise routine everyday and the kids are now in their spring activities again. Cam in flag football and Miss Missy is doing cheer leading. CJ is taking some time off because he did winter basketball and wasn't keeping his grades up to par, which, by the way is way better after a teacher conference and new glasses!

Anyway, my schedule is full. I'm glad that the end of the year is coming because it will close the chapter of my PTO Vice President venture. Two years is my limit. Fun while it lasted, but I'mma let someone else have their fun. And since we're PCSing to Ft. Huachuca, AZ (not Germany now) I'm also going to be resigning form the FRG Leader position when August rolls around. Wow! Without any volunteer positions, I'm not going to know what to do with myself. I

m looking forward to catch up some rest then... Won't complain about the late nights now, because he seems to need me. He's missing home. Not liking being away from the kids so much... and by kids I mean Miss Missy! LOL! He feels out of the loop and disconnected and I have to admit that I haven't been doing the best of jobs at keeping him connected from there.

After all these years of complaining about his lack of communication, I guess I shouldn't complain that he actually WANTS to talk to me now, right? Who cares about a couple of hours of sleep? I can sleep when I get to Arizona... to the desert.... with the snakes... and the scorpions... and the cactus.... and the tumbleweeds....with nothing to do... Oh yeah!

That's sure to be an adventure!

Fighting off the past

I came across one of my old journals which had to be from one of the darkest times of my life. As I was reading, I was fighting back tears remembering that time in my life when I spent so much time crying.

It was the year that I was pregnant with Cam. 3 years into my marriage and I must say, it was challenging to say the least. Page after page I read and remembered how all I wanted in the world was for my husband to love me, to show some love for me, to acknowledge that he cared. Page after page I read about how I felt ignored, unloved, untouched. I felt like I disgusted him and blamed the fact that he didn't want to touch me on the weight I'd gained from the kids. (Really, I couldn't have been more that 130 at the time.)

It was a hard time. Our marriage has been a rocky one. We didn't start off the way we should have. We rushed into the marriage because he was being transferred to Germany and neither of us wanted to lose the other.

The problem was, I think we didn't "look deep before we leaped" into our vows and we didn't take time to really evaluate what was important in a marriage first.

I spent a lot of time alone. He worked long hours leaving CJ and I at home alone every day and every evening. I wasn't working, so it was always about the kid for me. I wanted him to come home and kiss me hello or ask me how my day was, but when he did come home, he either left back out for the gym or went out on the weekends. He barely spoke to me. I remember that time as being so lonely. I would beg him to stay home to no avail. It was when I learned to be independent, to do things for myself, to hold everything in and to put on a game face so that no one else could see my misery.

So after infidelity on both parts and having a kids too soon, I felt alone and miserable. I fought back the tears as I read how much I wanted my marriage to work, but feared it wouldn't. Then I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't happy about the pregnancy. We were going to abort.

I remember that day. We drove 3 hours to the clinic because there wasn't one where we lived. It was quiet most of the way there as I cried silently most of the way. When we got close we started talking about why we were doing it and how it had to be better. I believed that the marriage was too rocky and chaotic to add another kid. It was already bad enough to have CJ in such a mess. When we got there, he told me that he thought I shouldn't go through with it. I went inside alone because he couldn't come inside with a child, so he waited in the car with CJ. After sitting for a while, I got up and walked out. I couldn't go through with it.

I wrote later that I still wasn't sure that it was the best choice.

It was.

I remained unhappy for a long time and never saw happiness for the duration of that journal.

I look at my life now and see myself in such a different place. Our marriage still isn't perfect. As a matter of fact it's far from it. The thing is, now he wants to talk about things, whereas before we hardly ever spoke. He is a different person.

The problem is, so am I. It's almost like we've switched roles and I'm the one who is distant and difficult. I spent so much time being alone that that's all I know how to be now and not talking doesn't bother me anymore. I think that I have put up such a wall from all the pain that I felt that it is hard for me to love Hubs the way that I should. I don't ever wanna feel that way again. This has become a classic case of how my past has effected who I am in the present. I'm just hoping that now, I can change that outer exterior, soften it up, before it devastates our future.

Happy Easter, Happy Spring!

You've got to see how beautiful my kids were for Easter.

We went to visit the fam down in Ft. Stewart and as always the kids had a ball.

Of course we dyed eggs. Of course we hunted eggs.

On the way home, I stopped at a place on Ft. Stewart where they honor the fallen soldiers. At first I was a little apprehensive about taking the kids there, thinking it might scare them since their own dad is in the same place that many of those brave soldiers lost their lives.

But as we walked and read the names and looked at the things that the families and friends had left under those trees in remembrance of that soldier, we talked about the sacrifice that was made and why it is so important to remember what their own father is in Iraq now. It did sadden them a little.

But they really enjoyed being able to talk about the soldiers, see the things they they loved and the things that may have been important to them that people left under those trees. Kids left their toys, there were pictures, stones, and teddy bears.

Some had left things that symbolized what the soldier's loved like model motorcycles, chewing tobacco, and an amplifier. I think it really gave a face to those soldiers and gave the kids a sense of understanding of what Iraqi Freedom means.

So now it's spring break. Around these parts, that means Master's! It's sure to be busy around here. I'll be keeping the kids busy with all kinds of activities, but not until we get this house in order! So off I go to play drill sergeant and get these kids up and the house in shape! Yes, they are CLEANING on spring break! Mean mommy! LOL!