Since my dad has been here on and off, he has on serveral occasions made reference tot the way that I raise my kids that has gotten under my skin! Okay, first of all, he is always talking about how much I spoil them. He thinks that I DO too much for them. Anybody who knows me knows that my kids are very independent and they do most things on their own. They wake up in the morning to their own alarm clock while I'm still sound asleep in my bed. They pick out their own clothes from the clothes that I have already ironed, or they iron their own when I'm behind and have loads of unironed laundry in my room. They decide what to eat for breakfast. My job in the morning is to call out from my bed asking if they have done the essentials.
Have you made your bed?
Have you brushed your teeth?
Have you put lotion on your ashy legs?
Things like that. They have several responsibilities around the house. They are responsible for taking out the trash, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, cleaning their bathroom, cstraightening the family room and of course cleaning their own room.
They are 10 and 7. What more should I have them doing?
Okay, not only are they spoiled because they don't "do" enough, they are spoiled because I give them birthday parties. Apparently I spend too much money on their birthdays. Apparently, the parties are more for my benefit than for theirs.
Hmm, are you trying to say that I spend the money on their parties to try to look good??
What the heck is wrong with giving my kids a party? Really? Cam's up and coming 8 year old party is going to be in my backyard with cake and ice cream and pizza. It's gonna be a water party. And apparently this is too much? They're getting too OLD for birthday parties? Are you kidding me??? So because of this, my kids are spoiled?
Okay and this is the kicker. The thing that he said that really got under my skin. Okay, for those of you that don't know me, let me give you a little background. I'm not at all a city girl. Not at all a girl from the block. Growing up, I was raised in a military setting around a melting pot of military kids. Good neighborhoods. Little crime. I choose to live the same way. I'm very picky in how my kids are raised and very picky with the environments they are exposed to, the things that they see and the things that they learn about. So we live in a small city outside a large city where the schools have good ratings and the neighbors look out for each other.
So, my dad goes with me one day to CJ's basketball game and his comment was, "Where are all the black kids?"
Me: There's one more on the team.
Him, giving me a crazy look. He needs to be playing with black kids.
Me, confused: Why?
Him: He's not going to get any better if he is playing around kids that are not as good as he his. He needs to be around kids that are better than him... that will beat up on my. It will make him tough."
Me: um. He does just fine here.
Him: You need to take him to the hood so those boys can teach him how to play.
Me: I don't want to introduce my kids to "the hood".
So a few weeks later, he says, "Hey Kay, there's a big Easter Egg Hunt that they are talking about on the radio. There are suppose to be over 10 thousand eggs."
Me: Umm. That's down in May Park. Really not my cup of tea.
Him: Why not?
Me: Well that's down town. The hood. Not trying to be out there.
Him, disgusted: You need to stop. Take those kids around those folks. Introduce them to the hood. They're gonna learn about it anyway!
Me: WHY? My kids have no business "learning" about that. There is no reason that they need to be going down to the ghetto just because there are other black kids there. They have plenty of black friends here. Not to mention white, brown and BLUE! There is nothing down there that their father and I want them to see. My goal is to raise them in the way that I want them to go. The Hood is not it."
Okay, Hubs and I know what's best for our children. I think that's what bothers me most. THESE ARE MINE! Besides that, Hubs is from the "hood" so to say. He grew up poor, lives in an area where everyone is carrying a gun, and if they are not on drugs they are a dope boy or an aspiring one. They kids have seen how they're grandparents, uncle and cousins live and when we ask them if that is the way they want to live, they quickly respond, NO!
This is one of the ways we let them know how important it is that they stay in school. I don't feel that we need to glorify a place like the hood when it is not the direction in which we want them brought up. There is nothing there to glorify!
But for some reason, my dad seems to think I'm wrong for that.
I wasn't raised in the hood. My mother had tight reigns on my siblings and I and there was no way she was going to allow us to be around the hood life. Even when we were visiting our family in Michigan, we were only allowed to do so much. There is too much trouble when you're out in the "hood".
So I was frustrated with the fact that apparently I'm trying to be uppidty in the way that I raise my kids because I don't want them involved in such a life. I want to see them college bound, educated, successful. I want them to stay focused and not be attracted to the fast money of the hood life. So If I'm wrong for not taking them there, then so be it. They are MINE and time will tell!