Saturday, August 11, 2012

What a day!

My Annihilation exercise class was probably the easiest thing I've done today!

It's been one of those days where my brain was on non-stop and I went from one conversation to another some within minutes of each other, some overlapping.

Oh what a tense family I have right now.  Things have been crazy lately as my dad's health deteriorates by the day now.  Knowing this, everyone is concerned, and rightfully so.  As we have been working to get him to Michigan to our hometown to stay with his family during this trying time, everyone is becoming tense and even sensitive towards one another, towards words that are spoken.  Assumptions are being made without speaking to others.  There has been tons of he-say-she-say and I'm becoming more and more stressed with every call from the east coast.

So, I called a meeting.  A conference call to include my dad's closest relatives, his brothers and sisters, his kids, his mother and his girlfriend.

I sent a mass text to everyone I wanted involved asking everyone to please be on the call and letting them know that I want to talk about everyone's opinions, concerns, and expectations, as well as discuss his financials and medical issues.  I made sure to include his girlfriend because much of the confusion had to do with her and it needed to be talked about.  Also, she is his caregiver, the one he has been with for 15 years, the one who knows everything about him, his well-being, his finances...

Boy!  You woulda thought I'd just declared war on China!  
I got several phone calls throughout the day prior to the scheduled call asking why I am having this call and did I think it would be a good idea.  Everyone was afraid of the turn out, afraid of what others might say, afraid of what they themselves might say that might offend someone. A few told me that they would NOT be on the call at all.  Truth be told, I was quite afraid that there would be some fireworks going off myself!  After all, tensions these last few days have been pretty high.  I told everyone that we needed to get everything out in the open, speak honestly about everything and ask the questions we wanted to know about my dad.  We needed solutions and not go by here-say.  I assured them that it would not get out of hand.  (... while secretly praying to my God that things didnt!)

The conference call was possibly the best thing we could have done as a family in this situation.

I have to thank my husband for stepping in and moderating the conference for me, reminding me what subjects I wanted to discuss and taking notes for me.  I have been under a lot of stress and he was there for me.

We talked about the issues and were able to ask the questions necessary to really achieve the goal of coming together for my dad.  Everyone is very concerned.  Everyone is very hurt.  Everyone wants what's best for my dad.  And by the end of the chat, tears were flowing.  I could hear the sniffles, there was a lot of grieving.  Me, I couldn't hold back the tears.  I'm normally not the one to cry, but this is my father we are talking about.  Even I have a heart. 

This worked well.  I think doing a conference more often rather than allowing things to get so confusing might help keep the stress levels down. 

After the conference call, my phone still rang, but a little less and I was able to answer it without feeling afraid of what was going to be said next.  One thing about my family is that although we might not always agree, we can eventually talk things over and get through the tough times.  Family is forever.

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