I do my best to take pride in the fact that I can stay home with my children, be here when they get home from school, help them with their homework and take care of their every need. And I KNOW that this is a privileged and rewarding experience. Yet, I still have trouble overcoming the blues from feeling like I should be doing more for my family. There is a feeling of being inferior to the women that seem to have it all. The ones that are successful at juggling a career and raising well-rounded children. The ones who seem to have all the answers, juggling conferences calls and ledgers as well as bottles and doctor's appointments.
I know this is a taboo thing to discuss, but I'm just going to throw it out there. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on my own life while I'm waiting on my children to grow up. I'm sometimes resentful to the fact that I've chosen this path. While I'm staying at home, being a mom, where is mom's fulfillment come in? I almost feel like I've taken women's lib 10 steps back by not taking on the responsibilities that we have fought for throughout the years. The right for women to work and be considered as equal. I feel like I am hindering my family financially, even though I know that we've agreed that my not working is better for us because of the cost of childcare and for our children's development. I want to look back in my old days and think that my life was a success somehow, that I have done the things that I was put here to do, and I don't want that to be JUST BEING A MOM!
Are my children are going to think less of me because I don't work? How can I explain to them the importance of going to college and being all that you can be in life if I am not a good example?
I mean, it seems that society somehow looks down on women that stay home. Am I the only onw that gets asked questions like
"You're STILL saying at home?"
"When are you planning on going to work?"
"You don't do anything during the day, so can you...?"
Of course, I've come to the conclusion that as a stay at home mom, I am giving my children what is best by my standards. By being at home with them, I am able to spend more time with them and take care of things that need to be taken care of without hiring someone, which I surely can't afford right now. I can be here to see all their firsts and readily availble to praise them for their accomplishments. I take gratification in knowing that when they are older, which will be all too soon, I can take the opportunity to fulfill some of those selfish desires of obtaining a career. Right now, I'm needed here, to be the best mom I can be, by my own standards.